Sunday, April 26, 2009

Are you kidding me?!!!!

I mentioned in my last post what was going on at my school. Apparently that post was so horrible and offensive that I am going to have a formal reprimand placed in my personnel file at school. Apparently I am not allowed to feel sad about a major life change and even more importantly, I am certainly not allowed to tell my friends how I am feeling about it regardless of whether they have specifically asked about it, or so I have been told.

The same day I wrote my last entry, I was called in by my principal to ask about the very information I wrote about. I told him that what he had heard was true. He proceeded to lecture me about it. That very day, my power was shut off and I also had to take Alex to the doctor. Not a good day.

The next day, (Tuesday) my would-be principal came to my room to also lecture me about being sad and especially about talking to my friends about it. Again, I admitted that I had told friends about it. He asked why I hadn't said anything to him. Well, quite frankly, he didn't ask. When he did ask, I told him AND I was honest about it. I also told him that I had said nothing negative about anybody because I did not feel badly about anyone. I further told him that I would work for him and I would do a good job, but that I just needed some time to adjust to the shock of the entire situation. He mentioned something in there about being insubordinate. Maybe he was worried I would be insubordinate, but I thought that my comment about working for him and doing a good job would reassure him that things would be okay.

Apparently, I was wrong. Two days later, he met with my current principal and they decided that I would stay where I am and they would instead move another teacher. On Friday morning, I was informed about the decision. I asked him to not do that. The other teacher is (or maybe was now thanks to this change) a friend of mine that I love. He said he would not change his mind and that I would be getting a formal reprimand placed in my file.

Are you ready for the irony of the whole thing? By Monday afternoon (before I was called in the principal's office), I was starting to feel a little better about the change and making plans for next year. As I had mentioned, I just needed some time to be okay with things. So it took me about five days to adjust to a major life change. Never did I say I wasn't going. Never did I say ANYTHING bad about anyone involved. Do you think it is only going to take five days for my principal to forgive me for telling the truth and being sad? I doubt it. I am pretty sure this will make him biased against me for a long time; years possibly. Maybe I should have lied, but I have a hard time with that.

Also ironic is that I have heard from several sources that many others (including people higher up than myself) have been complaining about having to move to the other school. I guess maybe since I don't have any family here or perhaps I am not related to anyone important I am not allowed to feel sad. Maybe I'm allowed to feel sad, but I am certainly not allowed my first amendment right to express that sadness. I can certainly see why I would be written up if I had been insubordinate and refused to change schools, but I didn't. I could understand being written up if I had said something negative about my colleagues or administrators, but I didn't do that either. I don't envy the position they are in and I actually do support them, in spite of all this ugliness.

Perhaps I shouldn't have told my friends how I felt, but I thought that's kind of what friends were for. I know that I listen to my friends when they are upset or have problems. On the other hand, maybe I should have been allowed a little time to process things and to adjust. Instead, I feel a little like the proverbial injured animal. Instead of being allowed a little time to heal, I got to be pecked at repeatedly by the buzzards. Now there will be lasting scars. My friendship with the other teacher will probably never be the same and I never even suggested that she be moved. That was not my doing, but I will reap the blame. We are supposed to allow kids time to adjust to major changes. I just wish I would have been granted that same courtesy.

Sometimes I think it would just be easier to be hit by a bus.


marnee said...

Kristil, my heart goes out to you - every day . . . just for the courage to get up every morning and do what has to be done. The bureacracy of dealing with SpEd has been enough to make me question my own sanity (of course, others have been doing that for some time - ha ha).

Work is an entirely different subject. I have been informed that retaliation isn't unheard of with certain administrators and remind myself that being Christlike, understanding, and thinking of others' feelings is a desirable trait. It has been a difficult lesson for me, I'll admit.

I usually end up taking out my frustrations on the insurance company representatives and telemarketers (faceless entities), a habit of which I'm not proud. Yet there it is and I admit it. Honestly.

Kudos to you for being honest.
More fit for the kingdom . . . more patience in suffering, etc.

Love ya tons!

Amy said...

Kristil, that is absolute insanity that they did not even allow you time to adjust and vent about how you feel. That is a major change in your life and you are entitled to feel a little sad about moving away from people you care about. I hope that your friend realizes it is not your fault and can get over it. Hugs to you Kristil.