Are you kidding me?!!!!

I mentioned in my last post what was going on at my school. Apparently that post was so horrible and offensive that I am going to have a formal reprimand placed in my personnel file at school. Apparently I am not allowed to feel sad about a major life change and even more importantly, I am certainly not allowed to tell my friends how I am feeling about it regardless of whether they have specifically asked about it, or so I have been told.

The same day I wrote my last entry, I was called in by my principal to ask about the very information I wrote about. I told him that what he had heard was true. He proceeded to lecture me about it. That very day, my power was shut off and I also had to take Alex to the doctor. Not a good day.

The next day, (Tuesday) my would-be principal came to my room to also lecture me about being sad and especially about talking to my friends about it. Again, I admitted that I had told friends about it. He asked why I hadn't said anything to him. Well, quite frankly, he didn't ask. When he did ask, I told him AND I was honest about it. I also told him that I had said nothing negative about anybody because I did not feel badly about anyone. I further told him that I would work for him and I would do a good job, but that I just needed some time to adjust to the shock of the entire situation. He mentioned something in there about being insubordinate. Maybe he was worried I would be insubordinate, but I thought that my comment about working for him and doing a good job would reassure him that things would be okay.

Apparently, I was wrong. Two days later, he met with my current principal and they decided that I would stay where I am and they would instead move another teacher. On Friday morning, I was informed about the decision. I asked him to not do that. The other teacher is (or maybe was now thanks to this change) a friend of mine that I love. He said he would not change his mind and that I would be getting a formal reprimand placed in my file.

Are you ready for the irony of the whole thing? By Monday afternoon (before I was called in the principal's office), I was starting to feel a little better about the change and making plans for next year. As I had mentioned, I just needed some time to be okay with things. So it took me about five days to adjust to a major life change. Never did I say I wasn't going. Never did I say ANYTHING bad about anyone involved. Do you think it is only going to take five days for my principal to forgive me for telling the truth and being sad? I doubt it. I am pretty sure this will make him biased against me for a long time; years possibly. Maybe I should have lied, but I have a hard time with that.

Also ironic is that I have heard from several sources that many others (including people higher up than myself) have been complaining about having to move to the other school. I guess maybe since I don't have any family here or perhaps I am not related to anyone important I am not allowed to feel sad. Maybe I'm allowed to feel sad, but I am certainly not allowed my first amendment right to express that sadness. I can certainly see why I would be written up if I had been insubordinate and refused to change schools, but I didn't. I could understand being written up if I had said something negative about my colleagues or administrators, but I didn't do that either. I don't envy the position they are in and I actually do support them, in spite of all this ugliness.

Perhaps I shouldn't have told my friends how I felt, but I thought that's kind of what friends were for. I know that I listen to my friends when they are upset or have problems. On the other hand, maybe I should have been allowed a little time to process things and to adjust. Instead, I feel a little like the proverbial injured animal. Instead of being allowed a little time to heal, I got to be pecked at repeatedly by the buzzards. Now there will be lasting scars. My friendship with the other teacher will probably never be the same and I never even suggested that she be moved. That was not my doing, but I will reap the blame. We are supposed to allow kids time to adjust to major changes. I just wish I would have been granted that same courtesy.

Sometimes I think it would just be easier to be hit by a bus.